My appetite is still not where it used to be.

I threw away half of my usual English muffin/peach preserves/egg sandwich yesterday morning, and the delicious, hearty chicken portabello mushroom sandwich from the amazing supermarket that I normally scarf down I split between lunch and dinner and was thus extremely full.

I had a bowl of Rice Chex this morning and was quite sated.

Like clockwork, I heard my phone chime at the receipt of a text message.

Choir was surprisingly quick yesterday afternoon, and it was strange that there were only 6 sopranos including myself.

Post-abbreviated P90X plyometrics workout, Jasia and I had a good conversation over bubble tea, although I barely drank mine, and we stayed until closing at midnight.

Last night was the second consecutively that I could hardly sleep. I ended up playing dress up and trying on my cocktail dresses in my closet until about 3:30 AM.

Yet I woke up at 7:28 just before my alarm this morning.

Biology lecture canceled, which would be good if we didn't have an online activity to complete by 5 PM.

I can still hear that music and still hear those words. It is awful.

I almost wish that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind's memory-erasing process at Lacuna, Inc. or Men in Black's neuralyzers were real.

I feel so stupid on so many planes. For idealizing them, for looking up to them in that manner, for not being more perceptive, for believing.

Loss of appetite.

Vacant stares.

Snippets of the Duruflé still wafting through my head.

Belting (over my passaggio, even... now to translate that placement to classical singing...) the otherwise hilariously flirty "Heart and Soul" with Walter.

Jamming in the truck to Britney and Black Eyed Peas on the way to the playground with Walter and Kristen.

Library field trip with Walter to get the Bryn-Julson recording of The Nantucket Songs, listen to some of our teacher's Masters recital (A Hand of Bridge and Brahms Lieder), and peruse the beautiful Bärenreiter Messiah facsimile manuscript from the British Museum.

The most bird-like dinner I have ever eaten. I could hardly finish the strawberries and minimal whipped cream, which I normally devour.

Staging "The Grass Is Always Greener" with Andrea.

Wanting to be alone, but also wanting to be with people.

I don't know where to go from here.

I hate not being able to talk about it.

Awful elephant in the room. Living a lie. For how long?

Feeling weighed down, hopeless, and frozen.

Those 11 awful, stark, real words constantly coming up in my mind, on the wall, on the board. Everywhere.

It's like a nightmare. But this is real and never-ending.

People who smoke and walk down the street or academic mall simultaneously.

Creepers who aren't music students or majors/minors who clog up the practice rooms.

Male guests who do not return the toilet seat to its initial state.

Poor sight readers who don't have good tonal memory.

And especially today: People who feel the need to divulge their diet strategies out of the blue.

For example, someone who today said that she is going to buy whipped cream to make a Splenda-sweetened concoction to replace ice cream, that she "knows all the secrets [to make this diet work]," that Atkins isn't bad for your heart, and that she and a certain teacher want to lose at least 5 pounds by Thanksgiving.

No offense, I know I've mentioned food before in my journal, but

1) When did it become okay to talk about these things in public?! (I felt like Betty Draper not wanting to be improprietous.)

2) Why do people feel like it's okay to be a martyr about it?! No one is forcing them to alter their eating habits.

3) What does she want me to say? "That's great"?!

4) Everything in moderation, I say.

Half of me wanted to eat that lasagna and dessert, whatever it was, with relish as she sat there, but then the other part of me was so furious that I had to sit through this the entire car trip that I decided to have a strawberry smoothie and Rice Chex instead and resisted partaking of the brownies the soccer players brought over to the apartment when they watched a basketball game with my housemates.

I don't know if I was more annoyed that almost all conversation this evening centered on this diet, or that she bombarded me with it completely unawares. I felt like the rest of the time, I couldn't allude to anything remotely carbohydrate-related, whether it was future baking projects for upcoming school concerts or replacing my roommate's cereal.

Jasia seems to think this occurred because this other friend thinks I'm much closer to her than I think she is to me.

UGH.

On the bright side, the light at the end of the tunnel is near in regards to my applications! I just need to get my screening CD choices approved, set up times and dates to record, as well as finalize the personal statements. The recommendation letters are being written, the GRE was taken, and the money for application fees and transcripts has been set aside. (Yes, passive construction, I know.)

Long day tomorrow. But I can do it. Toodles.

I had a revelation today: I don't want exactly "what I don't have." I mean, I don't want to be someone or something I am not. I would rather be the very best version of myself that I can be. With as few (vocal) technical problems as possible.

Power Vinyasa yoga + Handel's Cleopatra + ornaments from Sills, Claycomb, DeNiese, and Te Kanawa + Unused I am to lovers (and its not-hard-to-tap-into subtext) + "I attempt from love's sickness" = :)

My teacher said my middle was "more closed" today, perhaps because yoga was amazing (the first time I'd been in over a month), perhaps because it was past 9 PM at night. I was also able to sing the otherwise challenging "Non disperar" octave from B4-B5 and then A4-A5 more easily.

Perhaps it was because it was the end of the day?

I was mostly happy with what I heard on my recording for once.

Duet in the works with Walter :) Yahoo! "Heart and Soul" will steal the show. It will be cute.

A crazy week is over.

Deciding to attend the party after all.

Makeshift Liza Minelli-as-Sally Bowles last night, thanks in large part to my dear Irish housemate Maria, a whiz with costuming and make-up.

Walter winning the costume contest in less than 30 seconds.

Dancing and jumping up and down on the stage/catwalk with Walter, Kristen, Daniela, Andrea, Meeka, and friends to our favorite songs.

Early-morning conversations about music and science with Jasia and Maria in the bathroom.

Four hours of sleep and feeling strangely refreshed.

Kicking GRE butt (thank you, econ_cat, for being instrumental in making that a possibility!)

New and free phone!

Baking chocolate cupcakes.

A good end to a long month.

Last night Jasia, who worked at Smoothie King during the summer, made Zoe, Sebastian, herself, and me strawberry-banana smoothies with vanilla Gladiator protein powder for dinner. Initially I thought, "Mmm, this tastes good," since I've not had a smoothie in a long time, nor have I ever ordered a milkshake. However, as I neared the end of the 16-ounce cup, I suddenly felt full. Whoa. It was pretty neat, but I do like eating solid food.

We had Johannine Literature for the first time in a little over a week. I was relieved that the professor was well, but then I was also disappointed to have class because I was falling asleep.

I get to be Woman #3/Karen Mason as Tess Harding in "The Grass Is Always Greener," originally from Woman of the Year and incorporated into Kander and Ebb's And the World Goes 'Round. I'm happy that the lower part (not that I couldn't sing Woman #1's part) happened to be the celebrity. I was hoping for a more dance-oriented solo, however.

I need to stop eating dinner on Wednesdays. Srsly. Meatloaf, green beans, rice, bread pudding with whiskey sauce. It's a good thing that I don't eat lunch on Wednesdays.

I lost my phone tonight... My housemate called it, and the voicemail picked up the call, so hopefully this means that it wasn't stolen? I can't believe this happened. I've never lost my phone before, and I had just gotten it in April the day after my recital.... Aaaack.

Off to try to calm down and do bio lab homework. Toodles.

This whole not-eating-for-8-hours thing is getting old. I kind of want to try Larabars, what with those enticing flavors... although I don't really like replacing meals with 200-calorie bars, nor do I really like the concept of snacks, organic or not.

Piano lesson went mostly well, except for the fact that I was seized with momentary fits of anxiety. Again, I need to stop treating my weekly piano lesson and its completion like Peter Rabbit evading Mr. MacGregor and enjoy myself. I mean, I practice diligently.

Voice class went well, too, I think. My teacher said that the lines of "Wir wandelten" accelerando and then slow down, and then I repeat this again and again. He had me kick off my heels and run around the piano during the opening and then sing.

When my teacher asked how I felt, I replied, "I feel alive!" with a huge grin on my face. I was heartened with Vivian said that my lines were beautiful and that my face was engaged to the point that she believed I was in love, that she was compelled to look behind to see the "man."

Walter's "Non è sì vago e bello" was gorgeous, like chocolate silk pie. I realized toward the end of his turn onstage that we may not go to the same graduate program... and I got kind of sad.

I want to do "Non disperar" next week, but I have nothing to wear, and I don't want to get burned.

Choir went okay, except that 1) I was famished, 2) that partly dwarfed any sense of accomplishment I could have derived from voice class, 3) the sopranos kept missing intervals in David Ashley White's Love came down at Christmas, and 4) my teacher pedestalized the gorgeous, thirty-something mezzo-soprano staff singer who is bolstering the alto section. She is such a humble, beautiful person, though, so you kind of feel bad feeling bad about his praising her; she is nothing short of amazing.

It just made me wonder if and or when would it be possible to attain such a level of musicality, professionalism, and skill. It made me feel behind. After the 2 or so hours of both voice class and choir, I mostly noticed what was missing: the "feigned" notes in the Brahms, the missed intervals, the shading that could've happened in that English carol.

We had pedagogy video-viewing for about 40 minutes, which made me want to cry even more because it only underscored the fact that most of what singing entails is controllable or manipulatable by us, the singers, as opposed to things like the weather, one's cycle, and allergies that might negatively affect us.

The weather is gorgeous outside, and I feel depleted. I'm heading out for a run within the hour...

It's so hard not to freak out when you get a horrid grade and remember that the world isn't over because life is so much more than grades, but also because your professor allows you to drop a quiz grade (although I have 2 particularly disgusting grades, not 1), so in the grand scheme of things, you can still make an A in biology and graduate summa cum laude...

But still. The feeling sucks.

And I love that my roommate, as I was taking the quiz, brought in a housemate to peruse online make-up tutorials and talk loudly.

*sigh* It's not their fault that I tanked -- the quiz was particularly difficult and full of application questions -- but eeeek! I don't want to have to be climbing uphill for the rest of the semester. And I'm tired of living someplace that is virtually unconducive to studying.

In the living room 2 of my housemates and 2 friends are watching the North and South miniseries after taking a break to visit a local 24-hour diner and earlier, watching the 2005 Pride & Prejudice adaptation. Don't these people have homework?!? Having a social life is not a potential BA concentration when I last checked.

Tabbing my chamber choir music and then it's finally time for bed. Amen.

It's the ninth week of school.

I went to bed last night at 12ish, got up at 6 intending to write a paper that was due at 12:10 PM, but went back to bed because I was still tired. Got up at 9ish, wrote through my 11:10 biology, finished the paper, literally ran to the theology house, and lo and behold, class was canceled because the prof was ill. Oy. At least the paper was done.

I'm taking the GRE soon and am finalizing graduate school applications, confirming recommendation letters, and fine-tuning my personal statement. Part of me is glad that I'm finally making time for this, since it seems that school and music have taken most of my time, but part of me is still scared because this only affirms that the end of my time here is drawing close, even if "the end" comes in May.

Part of me misses having time and interest to go out with friends, but another part doesn't really give a care about what most of my friends and acquaintances here at school are doing (econ_cat and mental3540case, I am not referring to you here! I do miss you), mostly needy underclassmen. (Is that so horrible to say?)

My apartmentmates are all juniors, many of whom have classes Monday through Thursday, which means impromptu hookah-smoking at a restaurant on Tuesday (!) or a boisterous movie night in the living room on Thursday, complete with Grey Goose and tortilla chips; my actual roommate and her boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) are practically attached at the hip.

There is no "perfect" time to practice, what with the extremely thin walls in the music building. In the morning, I value my sleep or time to do homework or I have class, but in the evening, I'm bordering on exhausted, or I have to compete with the freshman pianist banging out minor scales or other singers whose voices I don't care to hear. Ugh. I left after my thirty-something minutes of piano practice and about twenty minutes of Handel and Brahms.

I feel like I enjoy practicing for piano now more than I do voice, in part because there is a newness and slight impersonal aspect in that I am manipulating an percussion instrument instead of my vocal cords.

I don't know if it's the ragweed, being female and irregular..., the change in the weather, and/or fatigue, but I feel as of late like it takes effort to vibrate. We sing G and A5 straight tone in chamber choir a lot, but I haven't warmed up to anything higher than that lately, and I miss using my high.

I feel like the rest of my life won't begin until I can iron out my technical problems. That haunting quote from that renowned pianist/coach to his son -- that he had no business dating a girl whose middle voice was a wreck because that meant she couldn't keep house, balance a checkbook, etc. -- always resonates in the back of my mind. I feel like I want to fix my problems SO badly that I can taste it, but I don't know if this willfulness will help or hinder me. I'm supposed to relax certain things but simultaneously maintain tension elsewhere. I don't understand how some people can not think about it and just sing. I wish I were one of those people.

Part of me is honest when I answer people that I don't know what I want to do after school. Part of me is not. I know pretty well what I want in life, in music. But part of me is embarrassed to admit it because I fear that people will judge me or think negatively of what I want.

I've had beef twice this week for dinner (beef brisket last night, French roast tonight)... I almost never eat beef. Eeeek. I need to stop.

I think I'm going to write this lab report and go to bed. I was going to run the parking garage stairs with my roommate, but my heart is not in it right now.

Whip It! was an entertaining if somewhat long movie that almost made me completely forget all of the stress and deadlines mounting in my life... until, for a split second, as the screen panned from Ellen Page to Landon Pigg parting ways after their nighttime pool rendezvous, my mind drifted back to reality.

When Mary Kate and Zoe picked me up from the airport in the former's shiny red Prius, I was almost in disbelief that I was already back from my brief sojourn, that yesterday I was in the car with my parents after my unsuccessful trip to the mall.

I need to stop being overambitious on short school breaks like this one. Or at least be more content with what I do accomplish. Just getting out of here made my weekend that much better.

My hair is now a cross between a 1920s flapper bob with 20th-century asymmetrical bangs. The wispy layered back was getting on my nerves, despite compliments from some friends at school.

Time to get on with the rest of my day. Some TV, biology, laundry, groceries and preparing for the weeks to come.

I never thought I'd say it... but I kind of hate shopping because of the way I'm built.

Over 2 hours at the mall for the first time in months with my mom, and the only things that I came remotely close to buying were a set of durable stainless steel measuring cups and spoons from Williams-Sonoma and a pair of black satin heels at White House Black Market.

Maybe also a pair of black glitter-dusted pointy-toed flats and a black wool capelet with three shiny buttons at Forever 21, but I thought about how it's not quite sweater weather yet. I decided to hold off on Sephora purchases until I got back to school. There were also these delicious-smelling black leather equestrian-style boots by Frye at Dillards that were extravagant...

No one seems to carry nude fishnet stockings in my size. Victoria's Secret was out, and Dillards no longer stocks them.

Earlier I had lunch with Donna at one of our favorite Japanese restaurants, which was the first time I'd had sushi this semester (!) Tonight we're going to see Whip It! with a few friends. Paranormal Activity will have to wait until Wednesday night, since it's not showing here, but I'm looking forward to that, too.

Ooh. Want to watch this one.

Off to the movies.

I want to have a day when I don't feel remorseful about everything that goes into my mouth.

I sometimes forget that food is sort of necessary to live.

But I don't understand why I seem to be hungry most of the time...

Fall Break at last. I realized this afternoon that it's been SO long since we've had a real break -- I don't mean a two-day weekend, because those go by so fast and are usually jam-packed with rehearsals and homework -- that my body is confused as to what to do.

I wouldn't mind being Diana Damrau when I grow up, but I know that the world already has a Diana Damrau, and she's amazing.

I've listened to "Je veux vivre" so many times this week that, in the heat of my biology test, as I thought about ribosomes and lipids, I could hear the lilting waltz. Oy.

Postmark deadline on Monday for a light opera summer program. I'm sending my things off on a whim, since the program includes a favorite musical of mine.

And I am likely going home, if only for a day-and-a-half. I have to get away from this place.

P90X with Jasia and Sebastian tonight. Should be good.

I did it!

Picspam to come in the morning...

It's been one amazing weekend. And it's not even over yet! Toodles.

I should live up to my first first name more.

And now I'm off to prepare Opera Workshop music before going for a brisk run. I think, post-toning, I will have dinner with Marissa and Ariel before we acquire ingredients to bake something tonight. I was thinking a king cake, but I don't know what will strike my fancy later this evening.

It's also Fridaaay! Long, good, music (concert attendance)-filled weekend ahead! Toodles.

( to-do. )

halloween costume. help. Halloween is less than a week away... I'm a bit bummed that it falls on a Friday because that means I'll only get to wear my costume once; the school-wide costume party will obviously be on Halloween, as opposed to the Friday before Halloween as it was last year.

I originally wanted to be Zerbinetta, patterned somewhat after Kathleen Battle's costume, except red, black, and white with a solid bodice/corset and diamante skirt like Diana Damrau's. I already had a jaunty hat as an accessory.

But I don't know how feasible that is given the short amount of time. My other ideas for this year were Sophie from Der Rosenkavalier (Julianne Gearhart in Seattle Opera's production), Duchesse de Polignac in the green gown from Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette, or Cécile de Volanges from Valmont (which I know is a tweaked version of Les Liaisons dangereuses)... which are about as involved as the Zerbinetta costume *shrugs*

My mom said she'd make me my costume if she had an adequate workspace, so my thoughts now are 1) renting a costume, 2) paying to have my costume made (I supply the pattern, measurements, fabric, and notions, and hope for the best), 3) *shudders* buying a simple costume, or 4) not going incognito at all. I don't want to be Cherubino again this year, since that costume was quite memorable last year, nor do I want to be like hordes of other girls scantily, skankily "clad" in the potentially cold weather. That is too easy :p

I'm going to e-mail our stage director if she can recommend me a good seamstress/tailor who could execute my costume.

I was thinking of having either this pattern (pattern 3637) or this simpler one (pattern 4092) made for the blue Cécile gown. However, I realize that both designs require a pannier of some sort... or at least petticoats. The more complicated one even has a separate, $17.95 pattern for the panniers (pattern 3635).

ETA (10/21, 7:30 PM): I decided to put an inquiry to the local professional costuming supply. I added Queen of the Night to the list of possible costumes. I hope it's still possible, that it won't break the bank, and that I get a pretty costume.

As for the pie, I'm baking a lattice-work peach pie tonight! Perhaps will watch The Dutchess around 10 PM with my mom? I don't know.

what to bake? I'm thinking it's between the hand pies, for which I actually packed my two cookie sheets, and the apple crumb bars. Or just plain apple pie, hahah. Fruit filling, definitely.

I also want to snap up a set of icing tips (okay, I'd be happy with a 1M and a set of 12 disposable icing bags) at Michael's before I return to school so my next cupcakes are spiffier looking. And a pair of 9" springform pans. And a 9 x 9" pan.

zzz. I was reminded today of how much sleep I need (have lost?) because I almost slept all afternoon. I'm taking an extended break before I return to my Introduction to Sacred Scriptures homework. Tomorrow is Christ and the Moral Life, and Tuesday is theory and ET/SS.

The aroma of scrambled eggs calls? Toodles.

( to-do. )

Apparently ear training was cancelled this morning, and no one saw fit to tell Walter and me?

Huzzah. We had this great conversation about how we've enjoyed this process learning and tweaking our scenes, that we can't believe that it's already time to perform them in front of audiences, and how we get emotional at the end of "Lady's Maid," the finale of the workshop.

In other news, I am grateful that I didn't roll over and go back to sleep this morning at 4:50 and instead went to 6 AM Bikram. I am also grateful that the bus indeed came, and I didn't have to walk 14 blocks more en route to class, and that I was so refreshed, and the morning was so crisp and bright that the walk back to school was quite pleasant.

Time to get on with my morning. But first... what to wear?

We open tomorrow night!

</stream-of-consciousness>

( to-do. )

Opening night was sold out, natch. I guess fire code prohibited the symphony from letting two students into the relatively small hall. *shrugs* We went for sushi at the Japanese restaurant I've been wanting to try for months, in part because Donna was famished from not having eaten since earlier today.

I caved and finally ordered the unagi domburi (heheh, econ_cat), but I got to sample Donna's tuna (part of the Rainbow Roll, which consists of "snow crab roll wrapped with pieces of tuna, salmon, and yellowtail"), Mango ("fresh mango and fresh salmon and snowcrab"), Special Crunchy ("tempura sea eel, avocado, snowcrab, tempura batter inside seaweed and rice with smelt roe on the outside, topped with eel sauce"), and Violet ("fresh salmon, snowcrab, and crunchy tempura batter") rolls, one of each. I felt like Belle in "Be Our Guest." That, coupled with the small salad with sesame dressing and the delicious miso soup and several glasses of water -- I was quite full afterwards. (Donna let me take home the leftover sushi, ginger, and wasabi :) Except the saltiness of the meal made me want something sweet.

The Italian gelateria was sadly out of tiramisu by the time we arrived, but Donna bought some miniature biscotti and amaretto merengue-esque macaroons as well as the coconut variety for her parents, while I learned that you can apparently buy a small order of gelato with two scoops/two different flavors. Donna and I split this, nonetheless, since I wasn't too hungry. This was another first, as I had strawberry paired with amaretto, marking the first time that I had ice cream other than vanilla or cookies and cream (not counting the times I had neapolitan ice cream).

Back at Donna's, her mom was baking miniature blueberry-banana-nut loaves for a housewarming party tomorrow, as well as muffin (e.g., 6 to a pan)-sized Duncan Hines yellow cakes. We tasted them before finishing Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason, which I'd begun watching earlier this evening while waiting for Donna to arrive home from work. I agreed with Donna that the fight scene near the end was brilliant.

This evening of firsts and just spending time with a wonderful friend made me realize the silver lining, if you could call it that, in this storm dramaturgy. I am indeed ready to resume school, but I am glad to have had the chance to come home for a few days. My roommate also wrote me back today, and I was relieved to hear from her. I was stricken by a particular part of her message:

"I love the weather (it feels like its time for thanksgiving!) Its been so beautiful down here, I'm guessing its been like that downtown too, today its gotten a little hotter but I hope it gets cooler again. I also love how every one is just taking care of their neighborhoods and friends and there are no schedules to stick to, no one is rushing, no red lights to stop at!, nature is in control of us. It feels very primitive. :P But at th same time I feel like I don't have anything to do, like I'm jst sitting around trying to get the initiative to do my homework. BUt, I have to say, two nights ago my sister and I were driving back to our house after dinner and here was a full moon and it was pitch dark aside from that because the power was out everytwhere, but the moon reflected off the lake and it was so gorgeous. I didn't notice how pwerful the moon was because we can never see its full light because of all our artificial city lighting. It was beautiful."

:)

( Stolen meme. )

P.S. The yoga studio will add 4 days onto my next unlimited pass for the days that the studio was closed! Huzzah! I also bought two pretty blue tops for yoga this afternoon after I learned that my gym membership expires on the 23rd.

To buy at lululemon
1. Athletic Dp V Tk III
2. Dp V Tk III
3. Dash Short

To bake for Opera Scenes Workshop reception/s
1. Annie's Eats' Thick and Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
2. Annie's Eats' Cheesecake Bites
3. Brown-Eyed Baker's Black Bottom Cupcakes
4. The Good Wife's Blueberry Muffins
5. Smitten Kitchen's Bourbon Peach Hand Pies
6. Hershey's Perfectly Chocolate Cake in minimuffin form, frosted or unfrosted?

(We have a four-night run, so I don't know if I'll bake one for each night or attempt to bring two or more on one night. It all depends on the availability of the kitchen and how much money, spare time, and patience I have :D)

I tried to listen to the opening scene of Figaro while I read the libretto, except it was weird because I was already on the scene with Bartolo and Marcellina, but Figaro was just beginning to measure the bedchamber. *shrugs* I also realized that it wouldn't be quite prudent to tie up Maria's computer for a little over three hours listening to Figaro. I will just read the libretto and then move onto my theology homework.

It's not begun to rain yet...

( to-do. )

I think I'm going to do doubles for Bikram next week to make up for the four days that I'm not practicing yoga. It will take extra willpower to go to manage my time well so that 1) I get everything that needs to be done for class on or ahead of time, so 2) I can go to bed early, so 3) I can get up that early in the mornings. But I surmise that it will work out just fine.

I also realized that it's a good thing I practiced two hours the other day. I could theoretically take two days off practicing this week, since I almost always take one day off practicing. (I regularly practice about an hour a day in terms of solo voice rep and going over choir music on my own, not counting soprano sectional rehearsal or daily vocal ensemble rehearsal time.) But if I wanted to practice, I could, since Maria has a piano.

This morning I woke up with a start and saw the sunlight filtering into the bedroom in which I'm staying this weekend. I feared it was late. When I finally pulled myself out of bed and looked at my cell phone, it was hardly 8:40. I guess I'm so used to waking up early, earlier than that now.

And I had cereal for breakfast for the first time in awhile! Mmm. I was planning on having one of the peaches Maria and her mother bought yesterday, but I was so full after the several bowls of cereal that I decided to wait. Lunch was a slice of Italian cream cake. Mmm. Perhaps I will have the peach later, after all.

Maria and I were sitting in the living room earlier, she transposing a viola part from C to G-clef, I reading the beginning of a performable English translation of Le mariage de Figaro, as BBC America's You Are What You Eat was playing in the background. The host was mentioning something about which pig parts go into hot dogs... and she had a bowl of pigs' ears and snouts. That were still hairy. Ew. I don't eat hot dogs anymore, and if I had any doubt about changing my mind, I don't now.

This morning the sky was bright, and everything seemed calm. Now the trees are rustling more, the poolwater is rippling, and the sky is grayer.

Back to Beaumarchais. Even if I'm reading it in English and not in French (that might take a bit longer because my French is a bit rusty), I'm seeing the similarities and differences and after I read the Da Ponte libretto without hearing the music (Figaro was the first opera I ever saw, at the Met, when I was 13, and I've seen it live or on DVD several times), I think I want to pick up another book on the collaboration between Mozart and Da Ponte in writing the opera. Then perhaps I'll be more ready to answer the Stanislavsky-based questionnaire focused on Susanna. Toodles.

( to-do. )

cold turkey. pancakes. Ahahahah. I had pancakes with strawberries for breakfast. *shrugs* I will try to supplement apple cinnamon oatmeal and an orange tomorrow morning with, say, protein of some sort. So I don't feel like passing out come 11 AM at the end of my voice lesson.

practice session whoa. I was only going to practice for 30 minutes this morning... but I had an immensely productive, good practice session that was 2 hours and 7 minutes long. I covered rep for chamber choir, Opera Scenes Workshop, and solo voice. It was great. I found that dipping into "Broadway chest voice" for "Lady's Maid" after having fully warmed up about thirty minutes prior only made the "classical" rep sound better. I can't wait to sing the Mendelssohn "Morgenlied" with the full accompaniment. I'm glad that my subtext for that song is basically the way I felt that morning I went to 6 AM yoga, or rather, the way I felt walking back to school afterwards.

However... this great practice session meant that I, uh, missed ear training :/ Well, we're granted four absences, so I will save the rest for when I really need them.

thank you, econ_cat! My bank said that since I didn't open my account in this state, I cannot obtain a temporary debit card. Woe. So I withdrew cash instead. At least this way I have money on me, and I am not tempted to go splurge at the mall or anything before my paychecks arrive next week.

healthy. mm-hmm. Salads are my new turkey sandwich. (I used to have a turkey sandwich -- on wheat with tomato and one slice of Muenster cheese, that's it -- at lunch and dinner almost every day last semester. It was filling, not unhealthy, and simple. I'd have a fruit and a bowl of cereal, and voila! A meal. Alas, now you have to buy the sandwiches prepackaged, which means you cannot specify what is in them, boo.)

I noticed today that not only are the croutons in the dining hall's prepackaged salads partially hydrogenated soybean oil- and high fructose corn syrup-laden, but the whipped cream atop the cup of fresh berries (strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries) not only lacked a taste (eeeyuck!) and had a thicker consistency than I would've liked, but of course, that topping also contained the aforementioned anathemic ingredients. Ewww.

Other than that, the berries were tasty. I will just have to try harder to find options that aren't preservative-laden. However, my roommate and I realized today that, if the prepackaged foods are that costly ($4.49 for a salad, $1.99 for a fruit cup, etc.) and have preservatives, how much more expensive would food be if they were totally organic and natural? Eeek.

do I sense a 'tude?!? Long story short. In my soprano sectional rehearsal today, several sopranos obviously hadn't practiced beforehand. I, with my nascent piano skills, slowly plunked out the notes before we attempted to sing the pieces. On the Agnus Dei from Haydn's Kleine Orgelmesse, at one point, we as a group accelerated the tempo, thus turning straight quarters into eighth notes. I wasn't as concerned with the rhythms because the group as a whole was unsure of pitches. A testy, cocky freshman soprano asked, "Wait, why are those now eighth notes?"

I automatically (d'oh! I need to stop being apologetic for things that aren't my fault) apologized on behalf of the group and said, "Yes, those are straight quarters."

"Then why don't we sing them as straight quarters?" the nasty soprano shot back with an edge. I think the air became a lot more still after that. I know I couldn't have been the only one to reel from the unnecessary vitriol. My roommate later confirmed that she felt like the attitude was unwarranted.

I wish I had been witty enough to reply with something like, "Yes, but I'm more concerned that the group as a whole is unsure of pitches. In the future we will endeavor to maintain rhythmic integrity."

Aaaand this is the soprano who sang "Se Florindo e fedele" breathily with almost no physical indication that she knew what the text was about, the soprano who didn't get into Opera Scenes Workshop, aaand who, in choir, as evidenced by today, slouched and consistently let her focus and gaze meander when the sopranos weren't singing. You can run sectional next time, kthxbye.

Our director, however, not only listened in surreptitiously from the hallway to my rehearsal, but he said he was proud of me for having made a difference in getting the sopranos through some trouble spots in the Maurice Green All Thy Works Praise Thee, O Lord. However, the sopranos consistently missed descending perfect fifths (?!?!?!) in Parry's Crossing the bar and the Agnus Dei of the Kleine Orgelmesse. I was also turned off by the fact that, in the final iterations of "Agnus Dei," the sopranos were swatting at the D to F5, and it wasn't pretty.

yoga. Day 17. There weren't many people in the class, so I secured myself a spot on the second row where I could see myself. However, I hadn't exchanged my glasses for my contacts, so those didn't help much when we did several of the floor series poses. Plus they were susceptible to blurring with sweat :p But I was glad to have had the chance to go again today, especially after that BS with the sopranos.

one day at a time. I feel like I'm living day-to-day. I mean, I am well aware of deadlines, of which rehearsals are to come, etc., but I only have exactly enough time to do the work that is due the next day, if even that. When the weekend comes, I am tired, but I still need to work. I know this is a matter of prioritizing and time management. I guess it's not so bad that I have time to do Bikram daily as well as check my e-mail and journal :)

Okay. Full day tomorrow. Nonstop. Bedtime. Toodles.